Archangel
2008-01-10 22:05:57 UTC
Subject: George Bush's Resignation Speech
If Bush resigned today, this is what his speech would be.....
Normally, I start these things out by saying "My Fellow Americans", not
doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more
than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened,
and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in
lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution, let
me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in
this office.
The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed up
because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world.
Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority
of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the
news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in
the tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners, including record
numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And while we're mentioning minorities,
I'll point out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high.
Our unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton
administration. I've mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't
sink in.
Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to
record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these
markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of
you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's
increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful
of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property
than your economic security.
We face real th reats in the world.
Don't give me this "blood for oil" crap. If I were trading blood for oil I
would've already seized Iraq 's oil fields and let the rest of the country
go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush Lied; People Died' crap either.
If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical
weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up
to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods,
same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was
official US policy before I came into office. Clinton established that
policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you?
You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the
cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models
squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the
Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to out
spend and out-tech them.
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if
they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they
weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But
they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the
United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've
got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law
enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that.
When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a lo ng and
difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and
difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through
the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars
should last a few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every
time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a
cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, you might just as well
FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the
Internet, it just isn't on the pages of the New York Times or on NBC News.
But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you would rather
watch American Idol.
I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be
there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's
below sea level and has a Cat 5 hurricane approaching.
I could say more about your idiotic belief that government, not your own
wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion
that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.
So, I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy -efficient
house down there (Al Gore could only dream of) and the capability to be
fully self-sufficient. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected,
and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again.
Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of
America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too.
That means Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it - you can have
her. Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope
that there are just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn
this thing around in 2008.
So that's it.
God bless what's left of America . Some of you know what I mean. The
rest of you - kiss my ass!
If Bush resigned today, this is what his speech would be.....
Normally, I start these things out by saying "My Fellow Americans", not
doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more
than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened,
and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in
lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution, let
me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in
this office.
The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed up
because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world.
Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority
of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the
news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in
the tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners, including record
numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And while we're mentioning minorities,
I'll point out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high.
Our unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton
administration. I've mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't
sink in.
Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to
record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these
markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of
you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's
increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful
of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property
than your economic security.
We face real th reats in the world.
Don't give me this "blood for oil" crap. If I were trading blood for oil I
would've already seized Iraq 's oil fields and let the rest of the country
go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush Lied; People Died' crap either.
If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical
weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up
to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods,
same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was
official US policy before I came into office. Clinton established that
policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you?
You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the
cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models
squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the
Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to out
spend and out-tech them.
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if
they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they
weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But
they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the
United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've
got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law
enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that.
When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a lo ng and
difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and
difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through
the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars
should last a few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every
time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a
cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, you might just as well
FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the
Internet, it just isn't on the pages of the New York Times or on NBC News.
But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you would rather
watch American Idol.
I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be
there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's
below sea level and has a Cat 5 hurricane approaching.
I could say more about your idiotic belief that government, not your own
wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion
that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.
So, I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy -efficient
house down there (Al Gore could only dream of) and the capability to be
fully self-sufficient. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected,
and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again.
Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of
America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too.
That means Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it - you can have
her. Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope
that there are just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn
this thing around in 2008.
So that's it.
God bless what's left of America . Some of you know what I mean. The
rest of you - kiss my ass!